Category: Let's talk
What does "growing up" mean to you? Does anyone ever really "grow up"?
I observe my parents, mom, aunt, etc, and see that more often than not, they haven't quite matured. They still seem to carry some aspects of a child, and even act like children more than they do adults! So my question is this:
Is there really a true way to "grow up"? What does it mean? Does it really have to be a situation where you have to be serious all the time? I've seen people in which that's been the case, and believe me, that's depressing to watch. But is it necessary for growth? Or is there a certain way to kid around, but still appear to be grown? Do you automatically grow up when you get married, have kids, etc? Is it really that hard? Is it something that happens, or something that develops? What are your thoughts? Lets see how far this goes!
as a 51 year old, i hope never to grow up completely. groing up means different things to different people. i am not sure what you mean exactly but to me it is acting responsibly, caring for others more then for myself, compromising, listening, sharing, and acting respectfully of others and myself. Laughing, finding joy in life, enthusiasm, encouragement, optimism, marveling at the beauty around us, aappreciation for the kindness of others trust, gratitude, and laughter are the positive traits typically associated with youth and childhood. Without these "immature manifestations" the world would be far grimmer, far less fun, and frankly not a good place to live. Great ppaintings would not be painted, inventions would not be tried, and friendships would not be maintained. 12 hour work days, worrying about the mortgage, and concern about diets, are not what children do. bring on the kid in all of us and the world will prosper.
turricane, I totally and whole-heartedly agree. Extremely well said. Ashley, a few years ago I did some customer service training. As part of that training we learned about a psychologist called DR. Eric Burne, who came up with something called transactional analysis. In a book he wrote, called the games people play, he spoke of people having 3 ego states. These are the parent, adult, and child ego states. These are then further broken down into controling parent, nurturing parent, adult, free child, rebellious child and adapted child. There are more but let's take these, for the purposes of this answer.
First of all the parent ego states. Some of this, no doubt, you'll guess what it does without me telling you. The controling parent is the yelling customer, the forceful argumentative person in a debate, etc etc. The nurturing parent takes a less aggressive role and tends to guide and help. The adult, again does what it says, doesn't tend to get swayed by emotion but just gets on with the job regardless of outside influences.
The free child, one of my favourites, is our creative side. as turricane says we have painters, other creaters of art, people like myself, Kai and Cam Macteapot who talk complete and utter nonsense about whatever subject on times. The adapted child, where we do as we are told, not questioning, but just getting on with the job at hand. And the rebellious child, who goes on the zone when they should be doing homework for uni, (uh hem, let's move on ...).
We slip in and out of these all the time, in fact I have during this answer. This is just personal oppinion now, but I really think that all of them have a very important part to play in our daily lives. Just as, in sleep, we need both REM and Delta sleep, in our daily lives, it is important to create, laugh, work, get angry, knuckle down and do what we ought. Emotions, including those of a "childish" nature are definitely a must. The trick is to strike a balance and use them appropriately. Laugh with your friends and those who will laugh with you, Don't stick your tongue out at the vicar, your boss, (unless you have that kind of relationship anyway), and I'd not recommend disobeying a scary relative. Trust me I have some and it's just easier not to. Achieve that balance. It's certainly good for you. May we all never totally grow up, as turricane said.
Cheers,
Simon
I think that growing up means acting responsibly, having a good set of morals and values, being independent or self-sufficient, being able to resolve conflicts correctly, and being able to advocate for oneself. I don't understand this whole deal of "completely growing up." Is there such thing as completely being a kid? I don't think that growing up means you have to stop laughing, being creative, playful, and so on. There are some traits and qualities that stick with people throughout the entire course of life. That doesn't mean they didn't grow up. Just because one is still easily humored or entertained, or is creative or playful at times does not mean they're immature. Being completely serious all the time doesn't mean a person has grown up. Growing up just means leaving behind childish behaviors and activities such as picking one's nose, eating insects, resolving problems or conflicts by calling people names or fighting, and spitting in people's faces when you don't like them or are angry at them.
It's possible to be under the age of 21 and be grown up. Then again, vice versa is also true.
i agree with the other posts, but you don't have to be under 21 to still act like a child once in a while. i kno some 50 year olds who like to not act their age sometimes, and it's quite funny to watch. yeah, there are times when you have to "grow up", and there are times when you can bring out the child in yourself, but you have to balance it out. the way i see it is this, there's the grown up side, and the nongrown up side. yeah sure, we have to be grown up and pay our bills, make adult decitions on things in our lives, etc, but that doesn't mean we can't have fun either, and we shouldn't let that be taken away from us....it's what keeps most of us sain, and if we didn't have that we'd have pretty miserable lives. personally, i love to not act my age, and not because it makes me feel yunger, but because it keeps me from being depressed and miserable. let's face it, i don't think many of us would want to wake up when we're 80, miserable, depressed, and in a nursing home, and wondering "why didn't i have more fun when i was yunger".
But the point is that having fun is part of being grown up. Why do people think that having fun is childish? Enjoying oneself is human nature.
exactly. i think it's got to do with the words "grown up". meaning that if your "grown up", then your seen as a responsible mature person, who has to stop being a child and act like an adult, witch to me is bullshit. like i said in my last post, i kno some 50 year olds who act like children sometimes, but that doesn't mean they don't act their age when they have to, because they do. if someone goes threw life just "acting their age" all the time, and not having fun at all, then they will wake up one day, probablly when it's to late, and wonder why they didn't let themselves have fun in their lives. having fun is actually healthy for a person's mind anyway, so bring on your inner child, i say.
But Liz, my question is that why is having fun considered the behavior of a child? Having fun is something that all should do, no matter their age. Having fun is not childish. Yes, there are people that act like children sometimes, and sometimes, they do it at the wrong time. But enjoying oneself is not childish.
This I think, is a very subjective thing. What may be fun for one person could be seen as inane and pointless by another. So perhaps, to the more serious-minded individual, acting goofy and child-like is going too far, whereas their version of fun might be to ... I don't know, have a game of chess, a glass of port and watching some high-brow excuse for commedy on the television. Different strokes for different folks.
It's all a question of semantics, I suppose. For me fun is a bit of both. I can have the more sedate forms of fun, like debating topics such as this, but I can also act like a total retard too, making up rude lyrics for well-known songs, having water fights etc etc.
Cheers,
Simon
you know as I read all these wonderful responses, something occurs to me. What we view as "grown up" could be misconstrued as middle aged behavior. God help us. I don't mind getting old, but I hate being middle aged. You know the way our dad's and moms can get pontificating about things giving unwanted and unwarranted advice, and wearing their age like a badge of superiority. That is the negative side of adulthood which I classify as being a "grown up." My dad is 91 in march and i'm 51. He still dispenses parenting homiles at the drop of a hat. I love him dearly but don't appreciate it. I have gotten great practice in life with "thanks so much for sharing that. What a wonderful idea." Then I go on and do what i was going to do before I was advised. True adulthood and fun can mix perfectly. I think adulthood is all those positives we've talked about mixed with the so called childishness. Grownups are bores and sometimes boors.
omg lmao Simon! i like water fights to.
growing up means the following in my own persppective:
1. worrying about your first job after college
2. alot of studying and filling out scholarships.
3. getting your first anxiety attack over worrying too much.
4. getting your first migraine at the age of 21 which initializes you into the right of passage of adulthood at least in my opinion.
4. planning to study abroad during college
5. developing leadership skills
6. living at a college dorm
7. worrying about what clothes or handbag i should buy for my next internship
8. doing internships in other locations
9. being polite
10. learning to be independent
11. being serious and sometimes grumpy as my roomate calls it whenever she sees me all the time.
12. cramming as much to do stuff into the day such that you sometimes forget to take the ocasional bite.
13. dealing with periods, especially if they are iregular and getting cramps, lol
fortunately in that note, i get mine every 2 or sometimes 3 months depending.
4. getting your first credit card and
16. drinking your first glass of wine or champaign
17. buying your first designer bag which i got for my 18th birthday which was a coach purse.
18. getting my first cell phone which was the lg 4650 towards the second semester of my first year in college.
19. getting my first ipod which i handed it down to my uncle to give to my cousins who live in ecuador because i already bought the red 4th gen ipod nano that talks.
20. putting on face cream to prevent skin damage from the winter and aging which i am starting to do because my face is getting ashy.
21. having gray hair which i don't yet.
22. learning to live with other people in peace
23. being confident
24. staying in college
25. working very hard each day and enjoying life.
so what you think any pesson is welcomed to reply to the previous post. lol
I am 29 and I stil do childish things like listen to school storries but not offten. I started getting panick attacks at 21.
hat do panic attacks have to do with being cihldish?
Growing up is something people wish others would do, but the same people either refuse to grow up themselves, or else they want to imply they are grown up by saying that others aren't. Not that I'm being cynical or ornary or anything. LOL!
The SHU interpreter:
I'm not sure I agree that that constitutes growing up, rather than how you deal with such things. Also, things such as beign polite, shoudl that have anything to do with being gorwn up at all? Surely kids have just as much of an obligation where that's concerned.
Michelle:
I'm 38 and still act childish. It's all a matter of how, where and why.
Joanne:
I'm not sure Michelle meant that, but that they were part of her adult life.
Godzilla, just lol.
growing up is an interesting experience for me. I'm still in the process, but for me growing up means learning more about life and what life means to you. Everyone has things that they do to keep in their hearts about their childhood, and you can't let go of them.
To me, growing up means:
1. Working on (continuously mind you), the art of balancing being a goofball & being "grown up". So knowing when it's appropriate to goof off & when not too.
2. Taking responsibility for YOUR actions: Not taking responsibility/feeling guilty for other's actions/inactions, but taking responsibility for your actions alone. Believe me, for some that's hard to do, which is why it's on my list. For example: Is it my fault that my parents are divorced? No, of course not. But for a long time I thought it was. Is it my fault that my mother is a wreck who's reverted back to teenagerhood in order to handle her situation? No.
So learning when/what is your responsibility & the difference between what you can & can't control.
3. Acknowledging your feelings: No matter what they be, confronting/accepting that you have them, & if you want to change them, working to do just that. People usually put up some mask or other because they can't accept how they truly feel. Dealing with your problems is kind of in the same category here. Realize that you have them, & start trying to think of ways to remedy them. People who are grown up, in my view, actually try to figure out a way out of their problems as opposed to just saying that they have them, then whining about them because they aren't getting fixed.
4. Taking charge: I guess it's in the same vein here, but take charge of your life. Tell the people around you how you feel & what you want to be/do with your life. If they don't like it, don't bother with them, because only you can control your own destiny. If you need help with something & they won't help (this is different from can't, because of money, transportation, lack of a job, etc), then seek out others who will/want to see you succeed. Isn't always the easiest thing to do, I'm moving through that right now which is probably why it's come to me.
But for now, those are the most important things I can think of.
well when you are growing up, you learn how to be more polite.
and you also learn how to behave according to social situations.
and you go to college and live on campus.
lol. you also grow out of blindisms you used to have as a child like eyepoking.
i grew out of that don't know how i did it.
i think my secret was being active.
Post nineteen, amen! I totally agree with everything you said.
The SHU interpreter, I don't agree with all you've said here. Being polite and confident are things a child should do. It is partially their family's fault if the child is not so. Also, not everyone grows out of blindisms or lives on campus when attending college. Not everyone attends college, but that doesn't mean their not grown up. More stress may be a part of it, but concerning migraines and panick attacks, that's not necessarily a part of growing up, but signals that you're having issues with managing stress, or they could be symptoms of some health problem. I'm sure a child could have a panick attack or migraine.
i love these boards. learning from each of you has broadened my world so much.
going to college and living in a dorm has very little to do with maturation. my husband works in the physical plant at a large state funded university and I can tell you plenty of stories about "young adults" who never graduated from kindergarten emotionally or mentally.
It can be argued that the process of higher education lengthens the time of childhood and childishness. Although we are responsible for some aspects of our lives, in a residential setting, we are not complete rein charge of all aspects of our destiny.
My son has just begun attending online university. Although he is 20 he is married, has a full time job, and is a loving and active parent.
My daughter attends college full time. She exhibits the same characteristics of responsibility, respect and responsiveness.
A whole other part of becoming an adult or growing up is finding our place in the universe. In order for children to survive and get what they need, they believe that they are the fulcrom aroundwhich the world revolves. In other words they can be self centered and sometimes selfish. For the very young child this is necessary and normal. effective parents don't encourage this. At the earliest opportunity we should begin developing opportunities to teach concern for and ways to help others. This is why as kids we do chores, feed the dog, etc. Sometimes, parents of blind children forget that the son or daughter needs to do these things.
In the western societally based and encouraged period of adolescence, we move from self centeredness to and sometimes through selflessness. This is why the most effective activists are usually young and enthusiastic. For many reasons, some of us get stuck here and worry more about others needs and not enough about our own.
Adults incorporate both the self awareness of the child and the world awareness of the adolescent. Each of us finds the mix which works best for us.
God I need more caffeine. Hope this makes some semblence of sense